Mike’s Musings

So, I’m at a loss.  My teenager is becoming a man whore and I don’t like it.  OK, maybe I did at first; it was nice to know he wasn’t planning on getting married to any of the girls he was interested in (he’s 16), and he was being honest with the ladies in question about what he wanted and what he was after.  

Then came the cell phone.

That’s right, folks.  Good ol’ Uncle Mike decided to get his nephew (the teenager in question) a cell phone and what an interesting treasure trove of information my partner and I discovered in his text message archive.  Talk of breasts and hot bodies and girls who are using other people’s cell phones to text him (all complete with atrocious spelling from all parties — T9 is single-handedly encouraging the end of proper spelling as we know it) and overly made up tarts hanging out in my driveway, future baby mamas who are calculating ways to separate him from his sperm and thus trap him because, themselves, “need to feel loved”.  

Sounds harsh, doesn’t it?  It is, but I also grew up with girls just like those girls.  They’re no different, and nothing changes.  Loneliness is loneliness.  Bad parents are bad parents.  Wanting to feel loved unconditionally when the adults and world around you only give it conditionally is a powerful force.  It’s easy to see; it’s naked and searching in its ambition and desires.  And it’s right there at the end of my driveway, wearing too much eye liner, jeans that are way too tight and a shirt that shows way too much cleavage.  When you look like a grown prostitute, but you’re a good three years away from driver’s training, something is very, very wrong.

And when your name is in my nephew’s cell phone, this uncle gets angry and protective.  

In the meantime, I’m at a loss as to how to handle this with him.  He’s not stupid, by any means, but I do think the excessive blood flow to his crotch is diverting precious oxygen from his brain, and could perhaps be causing irretrievable damage.  When Mr. Johnson starts thinking, all common sense goes out the window.  

This little teenage man whore needs to reigned in.  

Namaste… MS